


Don't Forget

by Kuri



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 03:25:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5232155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuri/pseuds/Kuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is ten years old when he first meets his guardian angel.</p><p>Gabriel doesn't usually let himself get attached to humans, let alone the very child who's destined to be Lucifer's vessel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Forget

 

Sam is ten years old when he first meets his guardian angel.

Of course, he hadn't known about angels then. Just the usual monsters, restless spirits and zombies and werewolves and dark things that live off fear.

Dad's out on a hunt, and Dean's gone with him; Sam is upset and childishly irritated that his father still doesn't think him capable enough to come along. Instead, Dad hands him a silver knife and a handgun, along with a large paper bag of food that should last him at least two weeks, and tells him to come straight back to the room after school and to keep the door locked at all times.

Dad thinks they'll only be gone for three or four days at the most. Sam fights back a scowl as he goes to the window and watches the Impala pulling out the parking lot, instead dutifully waving at Dean sitting in the front seat. Dean looks so excited that he almost forgets to wave back.

But Sam's used to it. He can take care of himself, he can cook himself a simple meal, he knows how to pick up after himself and when it's time to do the laundry (unlike Dean, who's content to just let it pile up all over the room). He knows how to lay down a salt line and how to brace himself for the recoil when he fires a gun.

On the second day, Sam's walking back to the motel after school when he sees him. Stops by the motel's main office where he knows there's a vending machine, thinking that maybe he'll treat himself to a sugary drink for a change, and there he is.

A young man, maybe a few years younger than Dad, sitting in one of the mismatched chairs set out against the wall next to the machine. He has bright eyes and a jovial smile, and he's crinkling an empty candy wrapper between his fingers.

"Hey there, kiddo," he says cheerfully.

Sam is torn between caution and courtesy; he knows better than to talk to strangers, especially when he's alone like this, but there's no harm in returning a greeting... Right?

"Hi," he says politely, and turns to the selection of drinks on the display. He sees that the chocolate milkshake he wants is out of stock, the tiny red light blinking down at him, and with mild disappointment starts scanning the rest of the menu for an alternative.

"Oh," the man says, getting up to peer at what Sam's doing. "Why don't you get that chocolate one? It's one of my favourites," he says, and lightly taps the screen next to the button.

"But it's-" Sam starts, then stops. He was very sure the light was red before, but it's green now. Sam tentatively presses the button, still half-expecting the light to go back to red and the machine to beep at him telling him to choose another drink.

There's a clang as a tin of chocolate milkshake falls down into the drawer at the bottom.

"Oh," Sam says quietly, reaching in to retrieve his drink.

"You alone, kid?" the man asks, carelessly leaning against the side of the vending machine. He pulls out a small bar of chocolate from a pocket somewhere, unwraps it and takes a huge bite.

"No," Sam says. Lies easily, the way Dad's taught him. "I'm with my dad and my brother, I just came out to get a drink."

The man waggles an eyebrow at Sam. "If you say so, kid. Tell you what."

He plops back down in his chair, takes out another bar of chocolate and flicks it at Sam, who somehow manages to catch it before it falls to the floor. "Get back to your room, stay there and lock the door. Something big's coming to town, and you should stay out of it."

Sam freezes, staring down at the stranger. He's suddenly hyperaware of the tin of chocolate milk he's holding in his hands, dripping cold condensation down his palms, and the chocolate he's barely clutching to by the tips of his fingers. And then the rest of his body catches up with his brain and he flees back to his room.

 

 

It was pure coincidence that Gabriel finds the younger of the two Winchester brothers that were meant to be Michael and Lucifer's vessels. He picked up a few rumours about a gang of murdering, thieving vermin that was getting bold enough that they were thinking of recruiting even more like-minded idiot kids, to form a bigger, more established gang. It was too perfect an opportunity to miss, the chance to mess with an entire group of assholes who so nicely gathered themselves together for him.

He finds Sam Winchester alone in town, his father and brother off on a hunt somewhere. The human boy is still young, a mere fledgling, chubby face still unmarked by the weariness that came with hunting down monsters. Gabriel's rather amused that this is the kid who will one day be Lucifer's vessel.

Sam is pretty smart for his age, too. He lies confidently, with none of the usual telltale signs that other human children his age usually exhibit when skirting the truth. When he tells Sam to scram, the kid does; Gabriel follows behind him, unseen, and approves of the way Sam locks the door and goes to dig out a small gun and a shining blade the length of his own forearm, places the weapons next to him on the kitchen table as he starts on his homework.

Then Gabriel spends the next few days having fun, littering candy wrappers all over the place as he throws one guy off a tall building, another into an unused well he finds on a farm on the outskirts of town. A couple more get stripped naked and strung up by their feet to streetlamps.

He's midway through contemplating what to do with the rest of the gang when he senses that John and Dean Winchester are back in town, so of course he has to go check out the older Winchester boy.

Michael's vessel is not much older than Sam is, a freckled, spiky-haired child who carries himself like exactly like a young, new hunter: bright, eager, and confident to the point of arrogance.

Gabriel watches Dean excitedly tell Sam about the corpse he got to dig up, _it's_ so _cool Sammy I can't wait until Dad says you can come along with me the next time_ , how he got to scatter salt over the bones and fling in a lit match.

But then Gabriel sees the look on Sammy's face.

Sam isn't as eager to take up the hunting lifestyle as Dean is, and it shows on his face when Sam snatches his cup of milk back from Dean and pointedly goes back to his textbooks. He scowls when John Winchester sternly asks if Sam's been revising cleansing rituals like he should be, sulkily mumbles something in response that makes his father snap even more at him.

He kinda feels sorry for the kid now.

Inside the room, John Winchester has stopped shouting at his younger son, and gone off to clean out his guns. As soon as their father is gone, Dean resolutely digs out a handful of coins from his backpack and drags Sam out of the room.

Gabriel hovers by as Dean pulls Sam all the way down with him to a 24-hour convenience store nearby, and buys them both the largest ice cream cones he can afford. They traipse back in silence, Dean looking more weary and tired now, Sam slightly mollified.

"You know," Dean tells Sam, as they're almost back at their room, "I'm pretty sure Dad will let you come along the next time. If you can prove to him that you'll take hunting seriously."

That's not the point, Gabriel hears Sam say to himself. Instead, Sam fights back a tiny sniffle, and says, "I'll try, Dean."

Dean goes back in, but Sam stays outside, deliberately scuffing his shoes against the gravel as he eats his ice cream. There are unshed tears shining in his eyes. Gabriel waits until Sam calms, flopping down to sit on the doorsteps to slowly finish off his cone, then makes up his mind.

Slipping off his invisibility, he strolls casually up to Sam. He hums a careless tune to announce his presence, but still Sam gives a small start when he sees Gabriel standing above him.

"Hey kiddo," Gabriel says. "Are you okay?"

"Yup," Sam says, and violently scrubs at his eyes. "Um," he says. "Hi."

Gabriel sits down next to Sam, and he's surprised when Sam just scoots over to allow him more room, instead of jumping up and running back in to yell for his father.

"Are you a hunter?" Sam suddenly says. He sounds so earnest. "I saw the news, there are people dying in weird ways here. Is that what you meant when you said something's coming?"

"Not really," Gabriel says. He snaps, producing a similar ice cream cone out of thin air. Sam is stunned, and Gabriel grins at the adorably astonished look on his face.

"You can say... I'm a sort of a friendly, guardian spirit," he says, and bites off half the top of his ice cream at one go. "I heard something was up here, so I came over to check things out, make sure nobody gets hurt."

"Oh," Sam says. He pauses, thinking hard, then turns to look up at Gabriel. "Am I the only one who can see you, or can Dean and my dad see you too?"

Smart kid. Gabriel's pretty impressed. "Right now, you're the only one who can see me," he says, lowering his voice like he's confiding a great secret to Sam.

Sam pauses to think again. "But I don't even know who you are," he finally says. But he's still quite at ease sitting next to Gabriel, almost leaning into Gabriel's space even.

"Loki," Gabriel says, deciding to go with one of his favourite names. "The name's Loki. Like the pagan god?"

"But you're not actually Loki, are you?" Sam says seriously. "I've read about the pagans, and they... They're not friendly."

Gabriel lets out a low whistle. "You know about the pagan gods?"

"Yeah," Sam says, a little proudly. "My dad's a hunter, he-" and abruptly stops, glancing over his shoulder back at the door that leads to his motel room.

"I know," Gabriel says gently. "That's why I came to check on you, these monsters sometimes attack the hunters' families."

"Oh." Sam falls silent. Then, as though he's suddenly remembered something, he jerks up and says, "I'm Sam, Sam Winchester."

"Nice to meet you, Sam," Gabriel says. He stands up, pops the rest of his ice cream into his mouth. "But I have to go now, will you be okay?"

Sam nods solemnly. "Will you come back?"

The darn kid sounds so hopeful. "Only if you want me to," Gabriel says cheekily. He gives Sam a little parting wave, snaps his fingers and vanishes.

 

 

(The next day, when Dean Winchester checks his backpack, he'll find that its innner pockets are somehow full with plenty more loose change he must have shoved in there and forgotten about.)

 

 

Gabriel should leave the Winchester brothers alone, he really should. Despite living amongst humans for the past couple of thousand of years, he's never really gotten attached to any of them in particular. And also they're his older brothers' true vessels, which means that one day Michael's going to turn up looking for Dean, and Lucifer...

Gabriel doesn't want to think about it.

But Sam Winchester fascinates him. It's not just the traces of demonic blood swirling within his veins - Gabriel's heard about a demon that's been going around feeding his blood to babies, but Gabriel's staying far away from that kind of shit - but he can see how intelligent and kind the boy is.

How desperately Sam wants a normal life, to go to school and to stop living in crappy motel rooms all over the country. Yet he also wants to stay by his brother's side, and if Dean insists on hunting-

And if Gabriel's reminded of his own two oldest brothers before all that crap happened, the way Michael and Lucifer used to be inseparable. The way Michael was the headstrong stubborn older brother, the natural leader of the pair, and Lucifer the kind-hearted younger brother who followed Michael everywhere.

Gabriel refuses to think about that too.

John Winchester is a relatively new hunter, Gabriel soon learns, but he's damned good at it. More often that not, he leaves his two boys alone while he goes on his hunting trips, which leaves Gabriel with plenty of opportunities to drop by to say hello to Sam.

"Loki!" Sam is surprised when Gabriel snaps himself into existence one night, in the middle of their latest motel room. But soon he relaxes, and offers Gabriel a grin.

"Hey there, Sammy."

Sam is curled up on the couch, watching television, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. Dean is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's your brother?" Gabriel asks, even though he knows the answer. He pushes Sam's feet aside and sits down. Sam immediately wriggles closer to him, a warm mound of contented human in a swaddle of blankets.

"He went out," Sam says. He wrinkles his nose. "I bet he's gone to the arcade _again_."

Gabriel finds the edge of Sam's blanket, and tugs firmly at it until Sam falls to the floor with a yelp, tangled in a mess of threadbare flowery sheets. "Come on, you blanket burrito," he says. "Let's go have ourselves some fun too."

 

 

So it turns out that Sam's never been to a fair. After the initial panicky yelling, Gabriel manages to quiet Sam down enough to explain that he'll bring Sam back no problem, right back to the exact time they left, and Dean wouldn't even notice.

This leads to Sam's realisation that Gabriel can control the flow of time, and the look of awe and amazement on Sam's face is downright endearing. Another snap of his fingers replaces Sam's pajamas with a pair of jeans and a bright red plaid shirt.

Gabriel doesn't hold Sam's hand, but Sam stays close to him the whole time anyway, only darting from his side every now and then whenever something catches his attention. He produces a pocketful of game tokens and lets Sam at the games stalls; Sam has so much fun winning at the shooting games that Gabriel has to physically drag Sam away, even if it's hilarious to watch everyone being flabbergasted by elementary school kid being such a good shot.

Sam likes the rides, leaves the haunted house with a pale, tight-lipped grin because he refuses to admit that the fake white-cloth ghosts and recorded moans scared him, gives the clowns a wide berth. And whenever Gabriel gives him money to get food for himself, Sam always comes back with two, handing one over to Gabriel before starting on his own.

"Let's go back in a bit," Gabriel says, when Sam's starting to look a little exhausted. "Want to get Dean something before we leave?"

"I can?" Sam brightens up immediately, like he's been waiting for Gabriel to tell him that all along. "I'll just tell Dean I went out too, to the store or something."

Sam gets Dean a huge greasy box of fries, a generous portion of melted cheese and ketchup heaped on it. Gabriel lets him hold onto it as Gabriel snaps them back to the motel room, the television still playing the same show that was airing when they left.

Sam stays awake long enough to change back into his pajamas, falling asleep the moment his head hits the pillows. Gabriel leaves a little something that will keep the fries hot and fresh until Dean returns to eat them, retrieves the blankets from the floor in front of the television, tucks Sam in and leaves quietly.

 

 

Gabriel keeps this up until Sam turns thirteen, which, he reflects bitterly to himself, is three whole years of stupidly getting attached to a human child who's going to grow up to become Lucifer's meatsuit. Three years of quietly whisking Sam away once in a while to have fun, three years of sneaking into their room to sit by as Sam works on his homework, invisible to Dean and John, whispering the answers in Sam's ear.

Three years of watching Sam grow from an innocent, wide-eyed boy to a budding young hunter.

If Gabriel were a lesser being, he might even imagine the possibility that he can somehow negate the child's destiny, but he's not that stupid. One day the Winchester boys will be dragged into Gabriel's stupid family's stupid fight, and one of his brothers will die.

Gabriel tries to convince himself that maybe he's doing this to make up for Sammy's inevitably shitty future.

 

 

Sammy's imprinted on him, Gabriel knows. It shows in the way most supernatural creatures never seem to get close enough to the Winchester boys to harm them, as though they can sense the younger brother has something powerful protecting him.

Gabriel's been always careful to control his Grace, that none of his tricks are even remotely traceable as having been performed by an angel. But with Sam... Sam shows all the signs that he's been marked, claimed by a powerful being. It's _very_ faint, but it's there.

And it's not a good thing. The weaker creatures might be scared away, but there are still a good number of stronger things that will be attracted to Sam, by the lure of power and energy intertwined into his soul.

Gabriel decides that he'll hang around long enough to celebrate Sammy's thirteenth birthday - he's going to bring Sam on a bit of time-travelling, show him the world - and then he'll sever their bond for good.

Sammy will never even remember Loki ever existed.

 

 

But the day before Sam's birthday, Gabriel senses Sam calling out to him in a prayer. Sam figured out very early on that he can somehow reach out to Gabriel just by murmuring or thinking his name, and Gabriel's never told him the truth, lets Sam think that Loki's just his personal guardian spirit.

When Gabriel goes to him, he finds Sam bruised and beaten up, blood smeared over his face and arms. He's huddled in a corner of a basement somewhere, an unconscious Dean cradled in his arms, one hand still clenched tightly on his gun.

"Loki, help," Sam whispers, begs. "Dean's not breathing, I got the spirit but I don't know what to do with Dean, and I don't know where Dad is, Loki, _help_."

"Okay," Gabriel says softly. Reaches down to gently but firmly uncurl Sam's shaky grip on his brother, eases the shotgun out of his white-knuckled fist, and sets Dean down on the ground. "But first you have to calm down, Sammy."

"I... Just help Dean, please," Sam says. He's trembling so much that he can't even speak straight.

Dean's still alive, but just barely. Gabriel places a hand on his chest, feels the broken ribs and his weakened heart beating feebly. A small burst of his Grace is enough to knit the broken bones back together, a healing warmth flowing through Dean's battered body.

Dean opens his eyes, and takes in a hoarse, raspy breath.

"Dean!" Sam lunges forward, throws himself over his brother with a relieved sob. "Dean _oh god_ I thought you were dead-"

Gabriel doesn't stay to watch them.

 

 

Sam tells Dean about Loki. Predictably, Dean is royally pissed, but it's mostly because he's furious that Sam was friends with a supernatural creature and kept it a secret from Dean for so long.

"You should come around more," Sam tells Gabriel brightly, sitting at the edge of his bed facing him. Gabriel's sitting on Dean's bed, knees knocking into Sam's. It's kind of surreal how Sam has grown so tall now.

"Yeah, you should," Dean says, only pretending to be grudging about it. "Seriously, shit, Sam - I can't believe you were sneaking around for three years with a guardian spirit and I never found out."

"That's 'cause you suck," Sam says grinning. "And I'm just that good."

"Bitch," Dean says casually. He tosses his phone back down on the bed. "Anyway, Dad's only coming home after seven, he told us to go ahead and get dinner for ourselves first."

"And you're a jerk," Sam says. "How about pizza?"

Gabriel grins. "I can think of something better. Get dressed, I'm taking you two down to this joint up in New Orleans, they have the best milkshakes."

Dean stares. "But Louisiana is _hours_ away."

"Don't argue," Gabriel says. He chances a glance at Sam, and Sammy looks so happy that he thinks he'll hold off severing their bond for _just_ a while longer.

 

 

The Winchester brothers grow up. Dean runs into a few rough patches, but Sam (and Gabriel) are always there for him, and soon Dean decides to dedicate himself entirely to hunting, becoming as skilled and as ruthless as their father. Sam is no slouch either; he's a quick learner. They're going to make a fine team together one day.

Gabriel doesn't hang around when John's about, but he knows. He knows how Sam and John's conversations always devolve into shouting matches that end in Sam storming out (and calling for Loki, and Gabriel brings them away somewhere where the two of them just sit quietly together, Sam leaning against Gabriel even though Sam's taller than him now).

"I don't want to do this anymore," Sam says. He's sitting close to Gabriel, his body a warm line of comfortable heat against the skin of Gabriel's vessel, and Gabriel can _feel_ Sam's soul.

"Hunt?" Gabriel says.

The air is cool around them, the trees rustling in the breeze. They're far enough from civilisation that the sky is bright with stars, the night unpolluted by manmade light. Gabriel's idea of relaxation involves loads of sugar and sex and alcohol, but Sam likes it here, so Gabriel just goes along with it.

(Ever since Sammy happened, Gabriel's given up the drinking and girls)

"I've been looking around into colleges," Sam says. "There are scholarship programmes I can apply for, if I have good enough grades. I'm actually thinking of doing law. It's going to be difficult, but I'll never know if I don't try."

Even after over five years, Sam still doesn't ask for Gabriel's help with anything, save for that one time with Dean. He doesn't ask Gabriel for help with money, or with hunting, with his grades. Even if all Gabriel has to do is snap and Sam can have anything he'll ever want.

"Have you thought about where you want to go?" Gabriel asks.

Sam shrugs. "I don't know," he says. "But I've made up my mind, I'm leaving. I have enough money of my own saved up. Once I'm done with high school, I'll find a place somewhere. Even if I don't get into college, I'll find something else to do. Just as long as I get away from Dad."

"I'm not going to stop you," Gabriel says. Because it'll be terribly hypocritical of him if he tries to convince Sam to stay. He can see the anguish in Sammy's soul, how unhappy he is right now.

Sam shifts slightly. He's caught right in the middle of yet another growth spurt now, his limbs long and awkward, and when he hugs his knees to his chest, his elbow bumps into Gabriel's side.

At some point, Gabriel has stopped thinking of Sam as big bro Lucifer's future meatsuit. He's just Sam now, little Sammy, the selfless, kind, younger Winchester boy with the sad eyes.

Gabriel's never been like Michael or Lucifer or even Raphael. He's never bothered to guide any of the younger angels, play the role of the big brother. This time though, he thinks Dean is really, really lucky that he gets the job of being Sammy's protective older brother.

"One day I'm going to need a stepladder to see the top of your head," Gabriel teases.

"Well you're short," Sam says. "And you never grow older," he adds questioningly.

"Not in this physical form, no," Gabriel says. "Sammy?"

"Hm?" Sam tilts his head.

"Close your eyes."

Sam obliges. Gabriel stands up, allows his mental Trickster mask to fall away, and manifests his wings. Shimmering unearthly bronze and gold, Gabriel looks down and sees that the grass beneath is feet is lit up in a huge ring of warm light, all around him. It's been a long time since he's last done this.

"You can look now," Gabriel says gently.

Sam's mouth falls open, and his eyes grow wide. Then, he says, "You're an _angel_."

"Archangel. I'm sorry, Sammy," Gabriel says. He really means it this time. "The humans, they - your people call me Gabriel, the Messenger."

Sammy scrambles up, looks at him in such breathtaking awe. Nobody's ever looked at Gabriel the way Sammy's looking at him now, all wide-eyed admiration and marvel.

"I knew you weren't - I mean, Dean and I, we looked up a whole bunch of stuff, we even sneaked through Bobby's books, nothing ever said," Sam stops himself, as if he's suddenly aware that he's rambling. He pauses and takes in a deep breath. "We couldn't find anything about protective guardian spirits who have the kind of power you do, so we suspected you were something else. But you never did anything to us, so we decided to let it go."

"And so this is the million dollar answer," Gabriel says. He gives his wings one last shake and folds them back in. The glow of his wings fade, and his face is once again shrouded in darkness.

Sam lunges forward and hugs him.

"Thank you," Sam says into Gabriel's hair, his voice muffled. "Thank you for everything."

Gabriel feels a small shudder run through Sam, and suddenly the kid's sobbing quietly. He doesn't need to ask why. So he just stands there and lets Sam hold onto him until he's ready to go back.

 

 

Sammy is already fifteen. Dean is nineteen and already more than capable of holding his own when he going out to on hunts with John. Gabriel's running out of excuses to postpone severing his bond with them.

 

 

 

Sam walks out on his family. John Winchester doesn't even seem surprised when Sam leaves, just shouts at him that if Sam's really going to do this, then he can forget about ever returning to them.

He doesn't look back. He doesn't call on Gabriel for help either. Sam finds himself a tiny place in a town far, far away from his father and brother. Changes his number, sends off a short message to Dean, and concentrates on building a new life for himself.

Gabriel pops into his pathetic one-room apartment one week later. Sam's not even surprised that Gabriel knows precisely where to find him. Gabriel looks around the room with a raised eyebrow, but he doesn't say anything, instead flopping down to sprawl out on Sam's bed.

"Here, Sasquatch," he says, producing something seeminly out of thin air and tossing it at Sam's chest. "A housewarming gift."

Sam looks at it. It's a small ceramic angel, one of those pastel-toned ornaments people liked to keep on their side tables or the mantelpiece.

"Thanks," Sam says sincerely. He doesn't have a side table or a mantelpiece yet, so he carefully places it on the windowsill above the desk. It looks out of place, a pretty, delicate little thing by the dirty, stained window.

"How's the solo life treating you?"

"It's quiet, but I like it," Sam says, almost defensively but then he remembers that Gabriel's always been on his side. "I'm just waiting to see how my college applications go. Got a job at the diner down the road in the meantime, but everything's going well. And- stop eating on my bed, Gabriel."

"It's just chocolate," Gabriel says. "Want one?"

"No, just get off my bed," Sam says, rolling his eyes. He sits down next to Gabriel and shoves playfully at him, but Gabriel is unbudgeable. "But anyway, I think I have a pretty good chance of getting into college, my grades are all above their requirements."

"Sammy the hotshot lawyer," Gabriel teases. He breaks off a chunk of chocolate and transfers it to Sam's mouth with a snap of his fingers.

"Gabe," Sammy starts, but gives in and swallows the chocolate in resignation. It's way too sweet; he's going to get diabetes if Gabriel insists on literally shoving food into his mouth all the time.

"Little Sammy, all grown up now," Gabriel singsongs. He pushes himself off the bed. "Where are you thinking of going?"

"Stanford," Sam says. "I'll probably have to live in a dorm on campus at first, but come and visit! I'll just tell everyone you're my brother - um, Gabriel?"

Gabriel looks uncomfortable. Sam feels something heavy catch in his throat.

"Gabriel?" Sam says quietly. "You'll still come and see me, right? I know I'm not hunting anymore, I don't need an angel watching over me-"

Gabriel reaches out, places a warm hand on Sam's knee. "Do you want me to continue visiting you?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Sam says hoarsely. "Of course I want to see you still!"

Gabriel's eyes close. "Okay."

"And..." Sam hesistates. "Watch over Dean too, please? He can take care of himself, but he can be such a stubborn jerk sometimes."

Dean last texted Sam three days ago, a string of five messages all in a row. Sam never read any of them. He deleted them all, resolutely shoved his phone back into his pocket and tells himself to block Dean's number. He still hasn't done it.

He reasons that Dean will want to know if Sam ever manages to get into college. And he should probably tell Dean his new address too, once he finds a proper place to settle down. None of this is Dean's fault. Mostly.

"Well, anyway." Gabriel jumps up, stretches and lets out a wide, exaggerated yawn. "You know how to reach me. Just call my name and pray, 'kay?"

"Sure," Sam says. "Thanks for the-" he gestures towards the little ceramic angel on his windowsill, tiny pale hands clasped together in prayer "-angel."

"See ya around, Sammy," Gabriel says, and snaps his fingers.

 

 

Jess is beautiful and smart and funny, and Sam thinks he wants to marry her someday. They get a nice house together, in a peaceful little suburb with friendly neighbours and neatly manicured lawns.

"Hey Sam," Jess calls from upstairs, where she's already started on unpacking their boxes. Sam's downstairs, and he has to navigate through a maze of boxes just to get to the stairs; college students have way too many books and notes. He can't wait to properly move in, unpack everything and clean up the place.

"Jess?"

Jess is kneeling over an open box, holding something up in her hand. "Look what I found," she says, grinning. "Weren't you panicking yesterday because you couldn't find it? You must have packed it into the first boxes and forgotten about it."

It's a little angel statue, kneeling in prayer, eyes closed serenely. Its wings are a pastel gold, each feather outlined with a light hazel.

"Oh thank goodness," Sam says. He reaches over to take it from Jess, the smooth ceramic a cool, comforting weight in his hand.

"It's really pretty," Jess says. "Where did you get it?"

Sam thinks. "I think it was a gift, but... I don't remember," he says honestly.

 

 

Sam doesn't keep the angel on the mantelpiece. Instead he gets a nice, sturdy little cardboard box from the dollar store, lines it with shredded newspaper, and carefully lays it down like it's the most precious thing he owns. The box goes into the topmost drawer of his study desk.

At night, he reaches out to pull Jess closer to him as they sleep, and Sam thinks, or feels more rather - the memories of him as a lanky teenager, sitting under the night sky, the grass damp beneath him and the stars overhead shining so brightly. A strange but familiar warmth of someone he misses terribly, sprawled out next to him.

 _Who are you to me, and why do I miss you so much_ , Sam wants to say.

 

 

Dad goes missing. Dean turns up in typical Dean fashion. Jess on the ceiling, eyes glassy and unseeing and her lifeless body going up in flames.

Sam packs a bag, grabs the little cardboard box from the top drawer of his desk, and walks out and forces himself to not look back.

 

 

Gabriel goes back to being a full-time Trickster. His pranks get more deadly and lethal than his usual, and if a few innocent bystanders get dragged into the mess, Gabriel finds that he doesn't really care. Not anymore.

The hunters are particularly fun to mess with. Of course, none of them actually know how to kill him, and it's funny to watch them try.

But one day the Winchesters roll into town, where Gabriel's already killed off two dicks and appropriately traumatised the third. Gabriel should leave, he really should. But he's never been one for making mature, logical decisions, so he stays.

It's not like either of them remember him, anyway. There's not even the faintest glimmer of recognition in Sam's eyes when they catch up to him. Instead Sammy looks at him with wariness and animosity and hatred, all traces of his innocent, kind-hearted Sammy gone in the fierce, determined hunter who stands before him, stake in hand.

Gabriel should kill them, really.

On the plus side, if Sam and Dean Winchester are dead, Michael and Lucifer can't use them as vessels, which means the Apocalypse will never happen and his two brothers will never stop fighting and Gabriel can carry on living alone. The way he always has.

Instead he stands by, invisible, and allows Dean to catch his illusionary double off guard. Dean drives a stake through his heart, and Gabriel's double slumps down, dead.

 

 

Sam doesn't remember Gabriel at all. Out of spite, he traps Sam in his own head, forces him to watch Dean die over and over again, drives him crazy with grief and frustration. For a moment, Gabriel thinks that he somehow has his Sammy back, when Sam looks at him with those sad, tormented eyes and begs for him to save Dean, but no.

Gabriel is such a fool.  
  
So Gabriel withdraws, stands silently by when the two idiots somehow manage to free Lucifer from the cage. Refuses to help, and decides fuck Dad and his brothers, fuck Heaven, fuck _everything_ , he'll just stand as Loki and watch the world burn.

 

 

This time, when Sammy finds out for the second time that Gabriel's an angel, there's no look of awe or astonishment on his face. No adoring, wide-eyed wonder. Just resentment and bitterness, like Gabriel's betrayed him somehow.

(He has).

It hurts so much.

 

 

But when the time comes, Gabriel goes and sacrifices himself for Sammy and Dean. His own blade plunges _through_ his vessel and into his very being, and looking up into Luci's sorrowful eyes, Gabriel forgives his brother and thinks _finally,_ because Gabriel truly deserves this for all the shit he's done. 

 

 

Sam feels it the exact moment Gabriel dies. His heart nearly stops, an entire childhood's worth of lost memories coming back to him like a flood, a wave that threatens to overwhelm him. He feels the Impala swerve violently, Dean swearing loudly. By the time Sam has managed to regain his senses, he looks up to see that Dean's pulled over by the side of the road.

His brother's face is ashen pale and frozen in shock. Sam doesn't think he looks any better himself, and Sam thinks he might just break down and start bawling his eyes out, who gives a fuck if Dean's going to call him a girl again.

"Shit, Dean," Sam says, his guilt and anguish are going to tear him apart and he needs his guardian angel here to hold the pieces of him together, but that's _never_ going to happen now because _Gabriel_ is _dead_ , "Why did he have to do it? Goddamnit,  _why_?" 

Dean reaches over to grip his shoulder, whether to offer comfort or in seek of it himself, Sam doesn't know. All he knows that he's lost a part of himself tonight and he doesn't think he'll ever be okay again.

 

 

 

  
"Sam still misses you," Castiel tells Gabriel. "Dean too, you know. Why can't you come back to us? And if you're really dead and just a figment of my imagination, I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by telling you this."

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey there, Sammy," Gabriel says. And smiles.

 

 


End file.
